By Yvonne Aoll | Featured Contributor
Last June, I went blind in my left eye from a laser eye surgery gone wrong.
It would take a speedy instinctive quest for a second opinion, three more months, an older more experienced surgeon and another agonizing correction surgery, for my left eye’s vision to be restored. Thanks to the top-notch, wildly skilled, second ophthalmology surgeon I visited, I can see much clearly now with both eyes, with no need for spectacles or contacts. However, the months during which my left eye remained blind, while filled with unspeakable worries, also served as a crash course in mindfulness.
Learning to Open My Eyes
In the initial weeks of dealing with the acute trauma of losing my sight, I would often be terrified of opening my left eye upon waking up, but eventually, I would. I’d open my eye and see nothing. Just an opaque, cloudy, film-like, extensive corneal haze that caused my blindness, and that I often wished I could just lift, slide down, or wipe off. On many occasions, I’d feel myself getting very close to having panic attacks.
Box breathing is one of the mindfulness tools that I learnt when I lost my sight; it’s probably what made the biggest difference for me during this distressing time. Endorsed by the US Navy SEALs, this five-minute, grounding, stress-reducing technique, also called four-square breathing, is what pulled me from going over the edge on several occasions.
Loving kindness meditation additionally helped me to foster compassion for myself and other beings when I was blind. By reciting specific mantras, this mindfulness technique was useful in helping me to focus on others as I made well-wishes for them, therefore preventing me from wallowing in potential loss and pain.
Cultivating Gratitude
Most importantly, cultivating gratitude is something that would prove invaluable in helping to balance things out in my period of blindness. Every night before turning in, I’d list down five things I was grateful for that day. No matter how minute or inconsequential the items would seem, I would list them down. Medicine. Mangoes. Heat. Pen. Right eye. It would appear to be such a simple, perhaps pointless activity, but it carries a lot of depth. When such a devastating event happens to you, it can seem like the ground beneath your feet is giving way, and there’s nothing good left in the world anymore. But there is, there always is, even if for that day, the greatest thing you could be grateful for, is a pen. That’s something.
Everything Could Change in a Day
Losing vision in my left eye felt as though there was a partial blackout, like the lights in that eye were unceremoniously turned off and would later be turned back on in three months. I desperately wanted the lights back. When the lights were out, I bargained a lot with myself, with the universe, with God, as one naturally does in the most helpless of circumstances. I told myself if I could just see again with both eyes, I would write more, read more, travel more, but mostly, the biggest bargain I made with myself was, if I was to get better, if the science and miracle of getting my sight back would come through for me, I would be mindful of what I consumed. Now that I realized just how much of my body I’d taken for granted, I would try to always eat clean and honor my body. I haven’t touched a soda since.
It is also through mindfulness, that I’m reminded daily, that everything could change in a day. On the drive home on the day I went blind, I remember thinking and telling a friend, “Yesterday was just another Wednesday, last Thursday was just another weekday, nothing exciting or significant or world-changing happened. There was no graduation, or promotion, or big launch, or lottery win, or relocation.” And yet at the time, I would do anything, pay anything, to go back to those ordinary, dull, nothing days, because at least then, I could still see with both eyes.
Now I remind myself that on the days when nothing seems to be happening, I should cherish those days. Because maybe the ‘nothing days’ are the golden days.
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Wow! such a powerful outlook on life. Your story is so necessary for others that aren’t as strong as you.
Such a positive outlook. What a breath of fresh air!
Love this post. Very inspiring. I often forget to be grateful for the simple things, like being able to see with both eyes, being able to hear with both ears, etc. Thank you for the reminder.
Such good advice. Positivity, stress release, and gratitude help so many people with all kinds of health challenges. Thank you for sharing.
What a great reminder of how we should live our lives, and count the ‘boring’ days as blessings rather than downsides. Great post here by Yvonne!
They truly are blessings. 👌 Thanks Stuart! 😊
Love this – especially that “the nothing days are the golden days”. That is so true. Thank you for the reminder.
They truly are the, “Golden days,” aren’t they? May we always remember that. Thanks for reading! 😊
Thank you for sharing Yvonne. Adversity teaches so much more than ease. You are very strong and gifted
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Laugh On!!
Thank you too! Adversity does teach us more than we could ever imagine. And, thanks for the kind words too! 🙏 😊
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One of the most heartfelt things I’ve read in a long time.. Loads of strength to you!
Oh, thanks so much for reading! Glad it had some impact.
It’s scary how life can change at any minute and the fact that we are not in control of the changes that may come our way. The hardest thing is to adapt to the changes.
So very scary, isn’t it? And adapting, as you said very well, is truly something else. Thanks for reading!
Most welcome
You are a very strong person to have overcome such a difficult time, may God always be with you and wishing you great health and more courage to face any circumstances in life ❣
Thanks Daphny! God bless you lots too.
you are so powerful! May Allah brings the best for you in this world, stay strong. Genuinely impressed by how you coped up with this situation. When we are in the pits, this is the time to shift our perspective and align with a higher goal. Kudos and love!!!!!!
Thanks so much Wajeeha! Stay strong too! 🙂
Such powerful lessons from what sounds like a really challenging time. The section on gratitude especially spoke to me, that activity of listing the things you are grateful for on that day. Sometimes negative thoughts can have a lot of strength, and this activity would be a good treatment for that. Gratitude for big things like family and small things like a pen. But maybe not so small when they give you enjoyment.
Thanks Dave! The gratitude list, ah, isn’t it something. I love it too!
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🙂 🙂