A reposting of words that have been resonating within…
Fragments of moons past sketch silhouettes of a scenery divine. A daytime reverie. Fond memory. A granddaughter missing you.
Do you recall, grandma? Long ago, a grandbaby born into an era of bitter lack, that enriched by your presence, comforting embrace, renewed to an age of precious worth?
At the time, suggestions abound. Work-life balance. Self-care. Hobbies. Remembering our initial calling. Remembering we still make a difference. Remembering our love for medicine and the privilege we have as caregivers.
But then the realization- I don’t know the answer.
I only know that I have witnessed around me- at every stage of training and practice- evidence of emotional exhaustion. Dissatisfaction. Disillusionment.
Immortalized within counterfeit fibers of a petrified forest are your sorrows weighed with silt, swallowed by shadows of its own valley, silenced beneath the porcelain surface of a visage pristine.
Banish them. Let your tears cathartic burn these cheeks of mine. Scour them with scars of an ancient past of an ache relived. Let me bear the dusk until from the womb, emerged pure as the morning dew, is a love renewed.
You already knew. Gaze unflinching, you told us to say the words.
Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis A. L. S.
Despite sparse questions, your eyes revealed an understanding far deeper than our answers- that with one moment, robbed were you of the years ahead, of memories awaiting, of stories belonging to you. Now lost.
Strength dissolving, your conviction remains unscathed. You savor each passing sunrise. Each caress, each step. For you know. As your legs cease to support, arms stop to comply, you still feel your child’s touch. Absorbing her love. Pretending you don’t care the roles have been reversed as you yearn to return her embrace.
As its hunger ascends, You treasure the remaining days. Every word, every smile. For you know. Soon it consumes your voice, drains your visage, until all that is left is the silence of a vacant mask. Unable to reflect your thought’s grin, your heart’s laugh, your soul tears as you blink away the moisture.
As your breaths increasingly betray you, you are not defeated, for the flames of your bruised spirit are not quenched, and you give thanks for the time you had, even as your body dims and you fade away.
Founded in 2013 by Phoebe Chi, MD, PhoebeMD: Medicine + Poetry is a health information and literary arts website that aims to inspire, empower, and inform through a curated mix of essential health information, uplifting personal stories, and original poetry.