By Birdie Fudge | Featured Contributor
Not too long ago, I went on medication for the first time for my major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety. I wrote poems every day, starting from the first day I took the pill. I used my poetry to track my mood and the timeline of the medicine taking effect. When I look at the poetry written during the beginning of that journey and compare it to now, it’s as if two different people are speaking. This poem is how I feel now. My other poem, “Happy Pill,” reflects how I felt in the beginning of my journey.
Sometimes I just want to lie in bed and do nothing, but it’s different now. Context is everything. I just want to enjoy how I feel. I feel nothing overtop me; clear skies.
I could do nothing but lie here all day and feel happy and at peace, and that would be a day well spent.
Breathing is no longer an Olympic activity. It feels good for the breath to flow in and out, like steady waves I don’t need to think about.
I don’t want to move, but my energy isn’t drained. This is what relaxation feels like.
This is nice.
I could live like this forever.
Eventually night will fall again, and that’s okay. I can learn to be a morning person.
I can enjoy my feelings.
Not all love needs to be understood to be love. Some mornings take years to dawn, but they’re worth it.
Even the winter can be beautiful.
There doesn’t have to be a point for me to feel the way I do. The heart and brain are both organs, and they both pulse along doing what they’re designed to do.
Being grateful is more powerful than being hopeful because gratefulness is found in the present.
I am grateful.
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