Hillman’s Demons: A Poem on Depression

By Chris Reed, Featured Contributor


James Hillman told me
the demons will come
at night in old age,
and will settle
on my bed,
on my chest,
in my hair,
in my head,
in my guts,
and prod me awake.

Befriend them he says.
They are your demons.
They are here to help.
And know you are 
enough worn with years
to be not afraid.

Drink tea.
Pay heed.
Converse.

If you look them in the eye,
know you’ll soon be gone,
so don’t care what they think,
they will give you quarter
and disarm.

Then you can hold them close,
like children,
with sharp claws and teeth,
and comfort them.
For their torments are yours;
their shadows are your shadows.

Hand in hand in the night,
no one is afraid of the dark.

Continue reading “Hillman’s Demons: A Poem on Depression”

Not Depressed: The Story of a Girl

By Yamini Rana


Twenty months ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression.

It was the beginning of June 2018. I was on a family road trip. At that time, it had been five months since I had moved away from home, to a well-known center for those preparing for prestigious high-end government exams…

Continue reading “Not Depressed: The Story of a Girl”

Taking Control of Depression

By Phoebe Chi, MD, MPH

Depression. One word that can mean so many things. For those who have lived with or currently live with depression, you know very well the effects it can have on your daily life. Depression can drain not only your physical energy, but also your hopes, motivation, enjoyment, and personal drive. You may be aware of all the steps to getting better, but you just cannot get yourself to take even the first one. If this sounds all too familiar to you, you are not alone. And there is hope.

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Continue reading “Taking Control of Depression”

Chronic Pain & You

By Phoebe Chi, MD, MPH

Do you live with chronic pain? Does pain seem to infiltrate every area of your life, to the point that it is affecting your quality of life?

If so, you are not alone. 

In this post, I will focus on the complex condition that is chronic pain and discuss how it works. In a subsequent post, I will present a “Chronic Pain Toolbox” that will equip you with essential self-management skills, so that you can be empowered to regain the quality of life you deserve.

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Continue reading “Chronic Pain & You”

6 Causes of Fatigue that You Should Know

By Phoebe Chi, MD, MPH

Do you always feel tired? Do you often have difficulty getting through the day because of lack of energy? Sometimes, being tired is expected and normal (for example, after an all-nighter, after a bout of the flu, or after a busy non-stop week). However, if you find yourself always feeling worn out despite adequate rest, to the point your tiredness negatively affects your quality of life, it’s time to do something about it.

In this post, I will discuss six common health conditions that can lead to chronic fatigue. While this is by no means an exhaustive guide, these are conditions that frequently affect people and (for the most part) are easily diagnosable and treatable. In a subsequent post, I will discuss practical ways in which you can effectively combat your fatigue…regardless of the cause. 

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Continue reading “6 Causes of Fatigue that You Should Know”

5 Signs of Vitamin D Deficiency You Should Know

By Phoebe Chi, MD

Vitamin D deficiency. Do you know the symptoms? How do you know if you are at risk of having it? What should you do if you are, and how do you prevent it? These are the questions I will answer today…

Continue reading “5 Signs of Vitamin D Deficiency You Should Know”

I’m Sorry I Couldn’t Do More.

You took your life.

I’m sorry I was only
fifteen feet away.

The doctors were only fifteen feet away.

You didn’t know this.
But I spent days and nights
next door to where you decided
to end your life. Where the doctors
gather, pondering over differentials…
treatments…dissecting our every move
to ensure that we are doing the
right thing for you.

The right thing…

If I had known you,
I would have fought for you.
I know you weren’t my patient;
I know we had never even met.
I am just the person who found
you. Who pronounced you.
You were already cold,
but still, I placed the
stethoscope against
your chest and
listened.

I didn’t hear anything.

Did you hear me as
I wept for you?

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry
you were suffering.

I’m sorry you felt
as if
you had
no way out.

I’m sorry I couldn’t do more. 

This is a reflection over an event that happened during residency.
An event I still think about at times. 
A lingering guilt.

To Rhonda.

 

Almost a year ago, I wrote something for your daughter.

 •

I never thought at that time that soon I would be writing similar lines for you.

So as I try to find ways to make sense of the pain of finding out that you left us, just as Kaitlyn had left us, I can only come out with these words…

…That through your daughter’s passing,
you had come into our lives.

Through your pain,
the world was moved.

Through your words,
 eyes were opened.

Through your tears,
hearts were touched, lives changed.

And through your perseverance,
Kaitlyn lived on.

But even as you worked unceasingly,
Your soul continued to break, your heart grieved.

And now you are again with your daughter, your bright shining star.

Goodbye, Rhonda. Now you can finally rest.

◊ A Poem Dedicated to the Memory of Rhonda ◊

Sky

 Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower, we will find… rather… strength in what remains behind…

•      •      •

.For those who may not have known Rhonda, here are the links to her writing.

My Bright Shining Star: A Mother’s True Story of Brilliance, Love, and Suicide

My Bright Shining Star, a blog

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