Heed the echos of a heartache, anguished sear of reverie. Feel its scalp bleed down her face, scathing tears of memories. See the eyes that once freely smiled fading with defeat. As silent fields in which she lies drift away with night’s conceit.
You didn’t know this. But I spent days and nights next door to where you decided to end your life. Where the doctors gather, pondering over differentials… treatments…dissecting our every move to ensure that we are doing the right thing for you.
The right thing…
If I had known you, I would have fought for you. I know you weren’t my patient; I know we had never even met. I am just the person who found you. Who pronounced you. You were already cold, but still, I placed the stethoscope against your chest and listened.
I didn’t hear anything.
Did you hear me as
I wept for you?
you were suffering. I’m sorry you felt
as if you had
no way out.
I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.
This is a reflection over an event that happened during residency. An event I still think about at times. A lingering guilt.
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Founded in 2014 by Dr. Phoebe Chi, PhoebeMD: Health + Inspiration (HealthInspiration.org) is a health information and literary arts website that aims to inspire, empower, and inform through a curated mix of essential health information, uplifting stories, and original poetry.