being a survivor abuseFeatured Authors

Statistics: Being a Survivor

By Markie Doczi | Featured Contributor


I remember the day I first became a statistic. I was nineteen years old, and I had a good head on my shoulders. Not being smart was never my problem; it was extreme naiveté that had gotten me here.

My husband had just slapped me across the face for the first time. I felt the weight of the world suddenly bearing down upon my shoulders, and I could see my plans for the future blurring before my eyes as the thought slowly crept across my mind:

I’m that girl.

Suddenly I was just another in a sea of young women, lured into a ‘bad relationship’— a term which I would come to learn covered all manner of sins. I’d had a plan for my life. I wanted to marry young (as I had), and saw myself having children while I was still young so that when they were grown and gone I’d be able to enjoy my retirement years before old age set in.

Now, as I stood frozen in that horrible moment, all of those dreams seemed to be vanishing. Then came the next inevitable thought:

What am I going to do?

We had only been married for two months. I had never seen myself as the type of woman to tolerate abusive behavior, but I was also not the type of woman who took her vows lightly. I hadn’t gotten married thinking that I’d just leave if it didn’t work out.

being a survivor abuse

Now I was angry, because he knew that about me and had taken advantage of it. How dare he use me in this way! We had been together for over a year, and not one time before this had he ever raised a hand to me.

I felt betrayed. Duped. And trapped.

Over the next year and a half, things gradually worsened. The isolated incidents became more frequent, and the bruises became harder to hide. Along with the physical abuse came the mental abuse: after knocking me down he’d shout things like, “Why do you make me do this to you?!” Eventually it culminated in an incident that is a story of its own: ultimately he was arrested, and it was the first time he’d ever had real consequences for his actions. I breathed a sigh of relief at this…and gave him one more chance after he got out of jail.

It didn’t take long for him to slap me again. Shocked and hurt, I finally left him.

Divorced by the age of twenty-one, I again felt such failure and shame. It took me years to stop seeing myself as a statistic, and start seeing what I really was…

A survivor.

Author Bio
Author Bio

Markie Doczi is a 33-year-old author and poet from Middleport, Ohio. She aspires to relate to people with her poetry, touching on many real life issues and situations. Markie is the author of Beneath the Old Oak Tree, a collection of original poetry, and she is also currently pursuing professional publication of her historical fiction, Blue Heaven’s Tent.


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48 replies »

  1. Your story is so well-told, Markie! Your husband’s behavior is horrendous! He has problems. Maybe he suffered abuse as a child. I think you endured his abuse far longer than I could have. I am glad you have made a productive life for yourself without an abuser to pull you down. 🙂

    • Hi Cheryl! Thank you so much for the compliment, and for taking the time.
      He absolutely did suffer from abuse as a child, and I think that’s why I stayed so long and gave him so many chances! But at some point people have to stop using these excuses and take responsibility for their actions.

  2. Thank you for reading! I don’t mind talking about it, honestly; I just want it to serve a purpose.

  3. You are indeed a survivor! I am happy you are okay, thank you for sharing. I watched stuff like this happen to my momma as a young child for many years with different men. She is also a survivor. You are one strong woman 💪🏼

    • Thank you for your comment! I hate to hear that about your mom, I hope she is in a better place now as well!

  4. You are such a strong woman! Not many who are/were in that exact situation at that age (or any age for that matter) could have done what you did. GOOD for you!💪

    • Aww, thank you! I definitely stayed for too long, but was proud of myself for getting out in the end. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!

  5. I’ve always struggled to come to terms with the fact I “let it” happen to me. Reading stories like yours helps me so much, so truly and genuinely thank you for sharing 💕

  6. You heal, but the scars remain, and sometimes itches you – my story. I am glad you are a survivor, and you triumphed. May the Lord use your story to rescue others. Amen

  7. Wow….this is a painful post….it shows you really are….pure power….hats off to you….it’s people like you who bring awareness ✨

    • Thank you! I am happily remarried now and this was many years ago- but this is a great platform for spreading awareness. Someone could read this who is going through that, and if that happens I hope they take encouragement from it 🙂

      • You’re welcome Markie….I’m glad you’re happily married now….it’s absolutely great platform to spread awareness….it also requires courage to share such a painful story ✨

    • Well said! Sadly it was a learned behavior from his dad, and the mother never got away. I always told myself I was Not going to allow myself to end up like her… and I didn’t.
      Thanks for your comment❤

  8. That shift in mindset, can be a slow thing in coming, especially after being conditioned to believe what the abuser wants, but when it comes, when that shift happens and you really, truly understand it isn’t you, then there is no going back. You have become that survivor.

    • Thanks Rebecca, for reading and for your kind words! Many women had it far worse than I did, I’m just glad I moved on and have a great life now 🙂

  9. Well done, Markie! It takes remarkable courage to go from victim to survivor, and then a ton more to talk about it. Inspiring. Best wishes for the rest of your journey.

    • Hi Laura! Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I am in a happy marriage now (though I waited 13 years to re-marry) and I hope you’re happy now too.
      As far as becoming a featured contributor; right beneath my bio, under where it says ‘visit her blog,’ there is a link you can click on the submit your poem or story for consideration 🙂

    • Thanks Mya! Thankfully this was many years ago now, but I never want to miss a chance to spread awareness.

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